Yos.em.it.e: Part 1

I am falling horribly behind in my blogging goals but most of it is my computer's fault. Every time I get on here I spend hours trying to upload pictures and unfreeze this silly machine. I am saving my pennies so I can upgrade to something that can handle the current creative endeavors of my DSLR but until then my images will be a little sparse. However, I did want to post the first part of my Yosemite adventure from all the way....uh....back in August.

Day 1:

We headed out in the morning and decided to drive down through Santaquin, over to Eureka, across miles of desert that led us through the fascinating town of Tonopah, NV. I seriously wanted to take pictures of that quaint little place all afternoon. This was my favorite sign:

I laughed for a good long time over that sign.

 We continued through fields of windmills,



a crazy beautiful lightning storm (which of course did not show up on this video but at least you can see the rain),

more desert,

some hilly roads,

and finally into Yosemite.

I had no idea this route to California even existed but I highly recommend it if you ever get the chance to take the drive. I was completely intrigued by the little towns we drove through, and the long stretching roads were pleasantly uncluttered with traffic.

We arrived in Yosemite just before the sun dipped over the horizon, when the whole world is bathed in that honey colored golden light. It was magical. We stopped at a small scattering of cabins that bordered a lodge and a meadow that ran right up to the edge of a large Granite Slab. I was so happy I almost started belting out "Rocky Mountain High" right then and there (hey, it seemed fitting), although, if my memory serves me correctly I did let out a few uncontained squeals of delight. Ha.

Up above the parking lot was an amphitheater bordered by some white zig zagging Christmas lights hanging in the trees. Someone was playing the guitar and singing into a microphone. We were drawn to the sound and wandered up that way until we met a sign that stated it was the employee village. Part of me wishes we would have gone and checked out the scene anyway but we still had to find a campsite and the light was starting to fade. We turned around and headed back down the hill while I soaked in the acoustic rasp of the guitar and the pure mystery of this wild new place. A couple of flannel clad guys were hiking up the hill as we were heading down. One of them, with light brown hair and a few days of handsome scruff smiled at me as our eyes met. He looked a little something like this:

(See: Flannel Shirt + Light Brown Hair + Handsome Scruff = Good Combination)

Do you know how long it has been since a handsome boy smiled at me just so? It was kind of fun. And it made me think I should go on road trips to cool places a little more often.

We folded ourselves back into our over packed car and headed down the road. I was overcome with excitement at all of the rising granite domes (which happen to be my favorite rock surface to climb on) and was wishing my trad climbing friends could have joined us for a little climbing.

When the last rays of sunshine were hitting the mountaintops we got our first glimpse of Half Dome:





It is teeny tiny from this overlook but I was still completely thrilled by the sight.

This is a slightly closer view with Brent & Katie hamming it up.

After we stopped for a few pictures we sped on out of there in search of a campsite. Let me just say that looking for a spot to lay our heads, after 10:00 p.m,. in one of the most popular National Parks in America, was no easy task. Even though we arrived on a Tuesday night all the campgrounds were full. After driving around the desired loop several times a kind hearted man (who happens to own an REI Store in Virginia) and his wife let us share a site with them. We were sooo grateful. I was so tired/hungry that I was starting to go into crazy, laughy, weird mode. I think Katie was a little surprised to see that side of me. At that point we almost skipped dinner in favor of our sleeping bags but we had to unload all of our food from the car anyway and put it in a bear locker (funny story about this coming up in part 2), so we boiled some water and cooked up a few mountain house meals before turning in for the night. I snuggled down into my bed and thought about bears before drifting off to sleep; their shaggy coats weaving their way around my dreams.   

"Watch With Me"

 (Celebrating Halloween 2005)

(Climbing Provo Canyon, Summer 2005, 4 months before my health took a dive)

Several weeks ago I had a bad day.

I usually try to avoid blogging about such events 'cause who wants to hear about THAT? But, I am learning a lot through my experiences so to anyone it might help, here it goes. On this particular day I saw some folks I hadn't seen in a long time; people that I absolutely adore. I'd been looking forward to our little get together and couldn't wait to laugh and talk about all the things that are great and wonderful in our lives, but before we could get there I had to wade through all the questions/suggestions I've grown to dread:

"How is your health?"
(Well, I sound the same)

"The doctor hasn't found ANYTHING to help you yet?"
(If he had I would have tried it by now)

"Have you tried a new doctor?"
(I've been to 3 specialists & 4 GP's)

"Are you asking the right questions?"
(maybe you should accompany me next time)

"Have you tried ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?"
(Probably, yes. You might be surprised at the things I've tried)

"Maybe you're allergic to Utah, if you'd just move you'd start to feel better."
(Not likely since I'm allergic to perfumes, fabric softeners, printed ink, new clothes, everyday chemicals, etc.)

"I've heard parasites will cure allergies, you should give it a try..."

Yes, you read that right. PARASITES. That was an honest suggestion followed by all the pat-on-the-back reasons why these people and their families never get sick. By the end of the day I wanted to disappear into the floor. Now don't get me wrong, I love these guys and I'm really happy that they are healthy (really! I wish everyone was!) and I don't mind people asking me questions about my health as long as they do so from a place of love rather than judgement. Perhaps if the conversation had gone something like this, it would have encouraged a different outcome:

"How are you feeling?"
"About the same..."
"I'm so sorry.../...that must be frustrating.../...you are so patient..."
"What treatments are involved? Tell me more about this disease....etc."

Notice the change from:

HAVE you?

ARE you?

You SHOULD...

to 

How are you?

You are...(positive comment here)

I'm so...

Tell me more...

In writing this I realize that most people just want to help. And I admit that I have sometimes been one to offer unsolicited advice at the wrong moment. Sometimes I just want to "fix" a problem so the person I love won't have to suffer anymore. What I didn't realize is that often these types of conversations make the person we are trying to help feel like we are trying to fix them instead, and let's get real, who likes being told they are broken?

Upon further inspection, there are times I have done this so I won't hurt as much. Spending time with someone who is suffering can be hard and it takes a lot of patience. Especially when you think they aren't handling it the way that you'd like. When you love someone their heartaches will hurt your heart. I get this. From someone who's been walking this road for a while, I appreciate those who have been willing to bear it with me anyway! My heart is full every time I think of your goodness.

----

Six months before I started having health issues I met a good friend. We spent a lot of time hiking, climbing, and talking with one another. One afternoon we went for a drive and stopped at the edge of a gorgeous mountain meadow. As we sat on an old wooden fence that crisscrossed along the side of the road he told me about an accident he'd been in and how it had altered his life. He had suffered a traumatic brain injury which affected his short term memory. I hadn't really noticed so the thing that surprised me most was the deep embarrassment he felt about it. He repeated the words so many friends in our apartment complex would casually drop about his forgetfulness. I didn't understand how much those words stung until the shame of a physical problem wove its way into my own daily routine.

Now that I know, I wish I would have been a better friend. At the time I was too focused on my own insecurities to be a proper support for him.  Rather than making more of an effort to understand I tried to guess how he felt about things. Looking back, I wish I would have listened better and asked appropriate questions.

Over time we both moved and drifted apart. Now that I've lived with AERD for so long, I especially admire his faith. He had so much faith in God, and the future he was promised. I never heard a bitter word fall from his tongue. Often, I think about his words and long to have a conversation with him. I'd like to know how he became so good. I wish I could ask him how he pushed through the bad days, and let go of the dumb things people say. Perhaps he wouldn't be able to tell me, but I'd love some good faith based conversation from someone who's been on this side of the challenge. 

----

Recently, while studying The New Testament, the words of Jesus caught my eye. The night he suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane he said: "my soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death." Those are some pretty heavy words. If you've ever felt like the Savior isn't touched by discouragement, or depression, that sentence wipes away all doubt. He knows what it is like to be dragging the depths. The next seven words taught me so much:

tarry ye here, 

~and

watch with me.

Three times he comes back to find his disciples asleep and asks "could you not watch with me one hour?" This makes me sad. When I think of Jesus in his darkest moment just wanting someone to be there, my heart swells. I'm sure his disciples did not understand the magnitude of the moment. No one could comprehend the depth he faced. They certainly couldn't have taken it away. But there is something so powerful about someone trying to understand. During Jesus' hardest moment he asked for two things:

1. Tarry ye here  (Be close by)

2. Watch with me (Be involved in the process, experience this with me, try to understand).

I believe the Savior gave us a pattern here in how to support those who carry heavy burdens.

Don't be afraid of it. 

Don't check out.

Don't try to fix it.

----

Be there.

Be who you are
(use your talents ie: comic relief, kind gestures, etc)

Try to Understand

----

You have greater power to lift people than you think.


Here are my tips on how to support someone with a chronic illness (or other heavy burden):

If they are being flakey: This is not a reflection of how they feel about you. Often, there are specific physical reasons they might not want to go for a walk, go to a movie, hang out with a bunch of people they don't know, or commit to an event so far in advance. (ie: I used to dread going to a movie theater because my nose would run like a tap, and I'd spend the entire time trying to distract myself from sneezing).
What you can do: Find out what they're worried about, think of ways to minimize their discomfort, or plan another activity.

If they don't want to talk about it: This usually means 1 of 3 things:
1. They don't feel emotionally safe enough to talk about it. This doesn't mean you aren't a good friend/family member, or that you haven't shown a great deal of support in the past. Shame is often deeply intertwined with a physical problem. Add feelings such as sadness, anger, despair, betrayal, and uncertainty, and you can understand how close to the surface emotions can sometimes be.
What you can do: Be a good listener. Find ways to show acceptance and love. Divert attention from the things they are embarrassed about. Give it time--wait until they bring it up. Withhold judgement.

2. They've been asked that same question multiple times--maybe even within the last week--and they've finally reached their breaking point.
What you can do: Think about the question. Is there a better way to approach the subject? Rephrase the question or wait for a better time to talk about it.

3.They are tired of talking about it. When you have a chronic illness you live with the problem 24/7. Believe me, they think about it all the time. Sometimes they just need a break from talking/thinking about it.
What you can do: Do something fun to get their mind off it for a while. Watch a funny movie. Talk about a good book you're reading. Engage them in something positive. Help them experience the things in life that help them feel normal and allow them to still connect with others.

You want to offer advice: This is fine as long as they are open to it and it is coming from a place of love.
What you can do: Wait for them to ask for it. Don't be overbearing. Watch their reactions. If they become uncomfortable STOP! Rather than saying things like "You should..." (which comes across as "I know better than you") talk from a less invasive standpoint like: "I'm not an expert but I recently read...or.."I know your situation is unique, and you might have already tried this but have you heard....

If they are having a bad day: Unfortunately we all have days when we aren't our best selves. When someone isn't feeling well, they face the typical day-to-day ups and downs with the added burden of embarrassment, anxiety, pain and/or exhaustion. This sometimes means their ability to cope is less than it would be otherwise.
What you can do: Be gracious & love them anyway. Find a way to help out with the day to day stuff. Weed their garden, drop off a snack, offer them a ride, Make them laugh, etc.
I am so grateful for those good, kind souls that have done this for me again and again. You have made a hard road bearable. I love you forever for that!

Night Owl/Early Bird

I am a morning person. I get this from my mom. That woman practically wakes up whistling! Unfortunately I didn't inherit this gift so I tend to giggle a lot instead. I'm pretty sure all of the "night owls" that I've shared tent space with, love me for this.

On week days I usually set an alarm clock-just in case-but I almost always wake up before it goes off. This is true no matter what time I go to bed. That dang early bird curse! Maybe my subconscious can't handle the terror of surprise.

Strange thing is every now and again I go through a definite night owl phase. I get this from my dad. I used to fall asleep to the muffled sounds of the T.V. coming from his man cave in the basement late at night. The sound was oddly comforting. However, the night owl in me can only surface for so long before I totally crash. I'm predicting that might happen by Wednesday.

So, why have I been up past 12, 1, or 2 a.m. for the last week? For some reason I've just had a hard time winding down at the end of the day. There are too many ideas I'd like to explore, so many things to read, too many plans I would like to make, so much to organize, and I suppose a few worries sprinkled in there, too.

With the candle burning at both ends this means I'm currently not much of an afternoon person (sorry coworkers). What do you do to calm your mind and body in preparation for sleep?

Wise Words

I found this quote by Elder Boyd K. Packer today:

"Some people think a miracle is only a miracle if it happens instantaneously, but miracles can grow slowly and patience and faith can compel things to happen that otherwise never would have come to pass."

This quote explains the exact process of something wonderful that is beginning to come into my life. Right now I want to shout it from the rooftops but, for some reason, I feel the right thing to do is ponder it quietly in my heart (and no, It is not dating related). I am so grateful to finally find an answer after seeking for so many years. 6 1/2 long years. There have been many days I've felt doubtful and drained of hope. It has been a long struggle. There have been many times I've had to pick myself back up, dust off the dirt, and try giving faith a chance again. One of the most validating things in life is to be heard, to have someone understand your heart. Today I'm especially grateful that person is God.

The Super Powers of Mullein Tea

Have you ever been hiking in the woods and noticed these soft stalky plants with yellow flowers? I have seen them a lot while hiking in Utah but hadn't really taken notice of them until last week.

That is when I got sick. Like the black-lung-wheezing-so-loud-you-can't-sleep-sick. It was terrible. I tried sleeping sitting up--too uncomfortable. I tried ear plugs--turns out they act as an amplifier to your own set of pipes. I tried taking the knock-you-out-cold cough medicines--they helped for an hour or two. I went to the InstaCare where a very nice doctor listened worriedly to my lungs and prescribed a bunch of steroids. They didn't seem to be working.

I was starting to freak out a little bit when I did a google search and discovered the awesome properties of this amazing little plant. It helps to relax the lungs when they get "tight" and also works as an expectorant to make coughing more productive. I was desperate so I drove down to my local health food shop in my sweats, my t-shirt, and raggedy hair to see if they carried it on their shelves. I was in luck! Within a few hours I noticed I wasn't concentrating on breathing anymore. The tightness in my chest seemed to float away on a cloud. I have been sleeping like a dream ever since. This is definitely an herb I'm going to keep on hand as my "go to" medicine for when I get sick.

Cottonwood Trees

So, I am re-creating my blog, once again, but that is okay because sometimes it takes a while to feel out where you really want to begin. It happens in my writing all the time so I suppose it is fitting that my blog journey has taken the same shape. I've been wanting to update my blog for a while. Coming up with a title that represents me better was important and in the end, though I love many of the posts on my old blog, I decided to come up with a clean fresh slate.

Last night as I was dozing off to sleep the title finally came to me. I've been searching for the perfect fit for a long time, picking up phrases and putting them down, trying to be patient until I found something that felt right, like a smooth pebble in my hand. Last night as I listened to the smooth rustle of leaves contradict the wheezing of my lungs I thought "The tree!" The title has to include the tree!"

I have this amazing tree that grows outside my window. It is one reason I love my bedroom. I live in a new development that is DEVOID of trees. I hate that. And yet, I somehow got lucky enough to find the one house that has a massive cottonwood tree growing behind it. It serves as a little reminder that God is in the details, that he cares about the things I love, and that there are still miracles in the world. Cottonwood trees have symbolized miracles in my life for a long time (You can read a previous post on this topic here: http://nasiegirl.blogspot.com/2010/11/desert-musings.html) I'm planning to include some of my daily miracles on this blog so I'm happy to have that symbol in my title as well.

Interestingly enough the number one question I've been asked this year is: "WHY did you move to Spanish Fork?" I can just see people trying to sort out why a single gal would choose to settle down right smack in the middle of small-town-family-suburbia-with-little-prospects-Spanish-Fork. I know it doesn't make much sense but I needed a place for my body to heal, I longed for a place to create, I wanted my own space to expand and explore, and carve out my own little place in the world. So I searched for a place where all of those things could coexist and when it all came together it was here, under the cottonwood tree, that I decided I belong. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Wide Open Spaces

I spent a couple of hours yesterday and today exploring the south side of Utah County. This is the view I see from the area surrounding my new home. Change has a way of stirring up my perspective on so many levels. I thought I'd try to capture some of the mountain ranges I am so familiar with from the new angles they are presented to me every morning. Below are a few attempts to catalog a little bit of the wonder before the "newness" wears off. The lighting isn't perfect but hopefully you can still enjoy these little snapshots from the country.

Utah Lake Ice Flows

Yesterday I was working through a lot of stress. I was some kind of mixture of restless, ornery, and a stripe of rude. I was even driving myself crazy! So me and my canon went out in search of something that always calms me down--the natural landscape. There is something about the earth in its naked form that grounds my emotions and helps me sift out what is real. Enjoy!