Lessons on Humanity

This is my brother, Bryan. He recently moved to The Big Apple and though we still chat on the phone fairly often, my heart misses him a lot.

He's the kind of guy you can call if:

You want to create something out of wood.
Your computer just crashed.
You need to philosophize.
Your Piano needs tuning or rebuilding.
You're dying to tell someone about THAT awkward moment you just had...and come away laughing about it.
You're looking for some new artwork for your wall.
You've got a hankering for some delicious Thai Food / home pressed apple juice / or any other delectable not-your-every-day-tidbit.

He's the kid that will unabashedly jump into a couch full of people just to snuggle.
Go for a hike at a moment's notice.
Was once prepared to defend his sis with a rock (funny story!).
And has been a true friend for as long as I've known him.

The week before Bryan left for New York, I had an emergency need to shop at H&M. Being the awesome brother that he is, he agreed to be my "wing man." He was short on time so we ended up leaving at 7:45 p.m. to shop at a store that closes at 9:00. For those that are not familiar with the distance from Provo to Salt Lake, that left us about 30 minutes to shop. No worries though, we both inherited the gene to shop fast.

But, it was the drive up there that was truly amazing. First, we had a good long chat about people, and the judgments we sometimes make. We talked about motivations for different behavior and the beautiful mess of interpersonal relationships. It was a good chat. The sunset was beautiful.

It was a nice way to end the summer.

And then, just as we were getting off the freeway, we shared a moment that reminded me of the true caliber of his soul. There was a homeless man standing on the side of the road. He did not look at us, he just held his shabby sign as he looked at the ground in defeat. At first, I wanted to pretend that he wasn't there, like I often do when I don't know how to help.

All the words I've heard about not giving money to the homeless "cause they'll turn around and buy drugs, or they might be a fake, or this excuse or that excuse" started rolling through my head like a playlist on repeat. Then a car full of guys (who frankly looked a bit rough themselves) honked and waved some cash out the window. That made me question if there was something I could do and should do.

I remembered I had a $1 bill in my wallet. I was a little embarrassed to hand over such a small token but, something urged me to do it anyway. I gave the bill to Bryan and asked him to motion to the man. Bryan rolled down his window and got the man's attention. As he came up to our car Bryan held out the money and this magic little moment happened, he held out his hand. He wanted to shake the homeless man's hand. Without a hint of condescension he said,

"Good luck to you, man."

And the man, a little surprised by this show of humanity, stumbled over his words as he said

"Good luck to you, too." 

It was a rather short exchange, something rather simple. The man walked back to his post and as he turned around to face us, the true magnitude of the moment was evident. Tears were forming on the homeless man's cheeks. His eyes looked away in that familiar pattern that we all use when we don't want someone to know we're crying. It touched me so deeply, watching this grown-rugged-ragged man cry. I haven't been able to forget about it since. We didn't give much, but Bryan gave him his heart. He was able to connect with his humanity.

And how many of us just need that 

once in a while?    

I've thought about this a lot. It makes me want to give better. Not just give, but to give in a manner that reaches true needs. To stop judging whether someone deserves my help and just do what I can to lighten their load.

Thanks for the lesson, Bribbs, you've got great things ahead of you!  

Roomies

I'm getting a new roommate! She's cuddly and cute and only eight weeks old. In this picture her eyes look blue but they are starting to turn green now. I think she knows she's mine because she is the only one out of the litter that will cuddle with me for a little while. Isn't she adorable? Her fur looks black in this picture but it is really more of a dark brown. I'm thinking of naming her MJ, short for Mahogany Jane. What do you think?

Change

Change is a coming. I can feel it. Good things. Hopeful things. Today I came across this quote and I believe it sums things up so well:

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.

~Viktor E. Frankl 

Oh yes, Mr. Frankl, you have spoken to me again! I hope I am equal to the task, because staying where I'm at not longer suits me well.

Prayer Walks

Last evening, while taking out the trash, the breezy air beckoned me to go for a walk. I was feeling a little tired and it was already starting to get late but I just couldn't put it off. I'm glad I didn't. The air was the perfect temperature; the exhaled breath of a passing thunderstorm. The breeze was mild, stirring the grasses and weeds that surround my home. The fields were a vibrant green, wildflowers popping up all over, and the trees have recently sprung with their newborn wrinkly leaves. It was one of those nights I wish I could bottle up and save for another day. There was something about it that was needful for my spirit.

One of my favorite lines from the Adam & Eve story, in Genesis, says: "And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day." I love that image so much--God walking in the cool of the day--perhaps because I'm glad we have that in common. Nothing quite invokes the same satisfied feeling as an evening walk in the summer. I always feel like I'm breathing in a hint of magic, or promise, or maybe just a whole lot of gratitude to live, and breathe, and experience such lovely moments in time.

  

So last night I walked, and God joined me, and I felt my spirit expand; like it always does when I'm being most real. We talked about ALL of the things I found beautiful, ALL of my gratitude, my hopes for the summer, the person I am still becoming, a few fears, and some of my pain. But mostly, I just felt my heart swell for all He has given me. It was a sacred moment. Walking with God always is.

Once again I was reminded of two things:

1. I need wild places.

There is something about the natural world that encourages me to dig out the best that is in me. It grounds me and helps me sift out what is most important. I need this, and if I go for too long without spending some time really seeing, or experiencing, the natural world, I feel like part of me is missing.

2. God knows what I need.

When I bought my house I had no idea I lived so close to such a beautiful, wild, spot of land, but He sure did! There is a marsh about a half mile away where I can hear the frogs sing (which is one of the things I miss most about my last neighborhood), and last summer I was able to see fireflies in a field near this curling tail of a river. Fireflies! In Spanish Fork! For all of the things that are hard in my life there is still a WHOLE LOT of goodness and mercy. And that my friends is what makes the journey so very worth it.

Springtime in Utah

Today I was reminded of this post that I wrote on my previous blog several years ago. You can check it out here:

http://nasiegirl.blogspot.com/2010/05/springtime-in-utah.html

"A Shared Burden is a Lighter Burden"

Today my heart is remembering this woman: 

Briana Blackwelder 

(Photo courtesy of Alisha Stamper)

 Tragically, she was killed in a car accident near my home just two years ago. 

She is one woman I hope to emulate someday; 

one of my heroes. 

From the first moment I met her I could feel her authenticity. She was a woman who lived according to truth and I couldn't help but admire her unassuming power.  

She was a young midwife with an exceptional skill; caring for women. 

Some of her close friends recorded this interview a short while before she passed away. 

http://vimeo.com/22934125

Watch it. You can't help but feel her goodness. 

She can talk about anything and her vibrant spirit seeps through. Though she speaks mostly about her profession as a midwife, I love these universal words that apply to all of us:

"I think that we feel isolated in our burden, 

or in our story. 

Whatever we've gone through, 

whatever was difficult for us, 

that was just related to us. 

It didn't really relate to a group of us....

But there isn't a lot of watering hole type activities 

where we just come together and have conversations 

about our experiences as women, 

~and~ 

I think a shared burden is a lighter burden."

I hope to honor her in this way; at the watering hole, sharing burdens, so you can tell your story.

Easter Sunrise

This morning I woke up early and watched the sun transform the sky. Warmth crept up that simple curtain, changing stone grey into subtle pinks, a pop of orange, and pale yellow--finally to become engulfed in stunning golden light that would reveal the blueness of the sky. The morning's first secret held me in quiet wonder as the dawn revealed her colors. I couldn't help but feel reverence for God and His Son.

Here, I too, stood "all amazed at the love Jesus offers me."

Another woman, long ago, rose early seeking Jesus. Her hands carried spices, her heart weighted with sorrow, as she came one final time to dress his body. The significance of the day was not yet known. Her tears veiling the man who stood before her.

When the Savior asks: "Woman, why weepest thou?" I am overcome. He didn't rush in and say: "Mary, Mary! I am here!" He gave her a chance to be understood.

Recently, in an effort to increase my faith, I have been reading about the Savior and every interaction he had with another human being while here upon the earth. In that time I have come to know him as:

A man of Mercy

Full of kindness,

Understanding,

Patience.

Forgiveness,

and love.

Full of Power

He recognized burdens that were hidden

& healed all who came to him.

Humanity

He often sought to relieve 

Hunger, 

Thirst, 

Pain, 

Sickness, 

Disease, 

Weakness,

& The unfairness of life.

& Peace

In the words of my five year old primary student, Adam: "Jesus is a weather changer!"

He can calm any storm and every fear.

His first response was love and his last response was forgiveness. He is

The Son of God

my Savior, Redeemer, Advocate, and Friend. 

He meets people where they are and always lifts them to higher ground.

 I'm so grateful for a Savior who truly sees and knows me. Because of Him I have experienced the "sun" rise over my life many times. I have felt it rise when I do the same dumb thing for the thousandth time and ask for his help to try again. I have felt it lessen the sting after the death of my loved ones. I have felt his warmth when I'm discouraged by my weaknesses. I've felt it soften my anger, and increase my compassion. Often, I have felt His mercy lighten my load .

And just like the sunrise this morning, 

--no matter how many times I see it--

I still stand all amazed.

Yos.em.it.e Part 4: Take my Breath Away

Our second full day in Yosemite we were ready to hike! We talked to our camp mates, consulted my Backpacker magazine, and talked to one of the park rangers to get some good ideas on where to start. Finally we decided on a less popular trail that would take us to the rim where we could take in a panoramic view of the park. Little did I know that the views in Yosemite aren't the only things that are breathtaking, but I was about to find out!

It was a little tricky finding the trail because the first part of it was quite overgrown. You can see a little bit of the trail behind Brent here:

Brent found a pine cone as big as his torso. I know people say everything is bigger in Texas but the trees in California's forests are pretty dang impressive! 

(and so is his beard)

I'll be honest, I was a little cranky on this hike. We literally gained 3000 feet of elevation in a few short, I mean long miles. We were hiking in the heat of the day, my asthma was kicking my butt, and we did not have enough water. Because I couldn't breathe well I wasn't too keen on talking. Good thing I was hiking with my little brothers who were kind enough to keep downplaying how hard this was for me.  A couple of times I really wanted to stop but they wouldn't let me chill on the side of the trail alone and I didn't want to keep them from reaching the top, so I kept plodding along.

When we were about a mile from the summit we were pleasantly surprised by a fresh mountain stream. We didn't have any filtration gear with us, so I didn't dare drink the water, but I made everyone turn around so I could take off my shirt and drench it in the stream. It felt amazing. I'm pretty sure it kept me from getting heat exhaustion. I immediately felt so much better. It was like someone poured a bucket of happy inside my cranky little head.

Funny thing is---and I totally had a feeling this was going to happen--two men came bounding down the trail within seconds of me pulling my shirt back over my head. We hadn't seen people for miles and then all of a sudden...they seemed to drop right out of the sky. Haha. I took a second long sleeved shirt (that I had brought for emergencies) and dunked it in the stream to wrap around my neck. This was the best trick I learned on the whole trip. It helps to cool down the jugular veins which lead directly to the brain. I immediately felt awesome.


We resumed hiking, but much to my chagrin the last little section of the trail rose steeply. Bryan had a keen eye for berries and kept me cheerful by handing me sweet tastes from the forest floor. I was impressed with his knowledge of edible plants and berries, and it gave me a reason to slow down my pace and check out the bushes. If I ever get lost in the woods, I hope these two boys are somewhere close by cause they are quite the survivalists. And Katie too, cause she has this ability to always look on the bright side :)

The view from half way up.

Yellow bush near the top

Tired Faces. What a hike! 

Finally, late in the afternoon we reached the canyon overlook. I was elated. I had been saving a couple of cool oranges for this very moment. Curling my parched tongue around that sweet juicy fruit segment seemed like a fine prize. We were all pretty stoked to break into the oranges. My expectations were high. I can still remember hiking to the delicate arch in the heat of the blazing sun when my mom handed me the juiciest, most delicious orange ever to grace my lips. I suppose that is what I was expecting, so when my first bite was pithy and dry I was SORELY, SORELY disappointed. We ate them anyway. I think Bryan felt a little cheated, too, based on his expression here.

To make up for it, we scampered down the mountain to cool off in our favorite little swimming hole.

It never felt so good to leave 10 miles behind me.

Yos.em.it.e Part 3: Bears, Bears, Bears

I don't like spiders.
I don't like snakes.
And I don't like the idea of being in close proximity to bears.

It's not that I have a particular hatred for these creatures. I just can't handle that element of surprise--when you're hiking up a trail and about to put a foot down when WHOA there's a rattle snake all acting cool and blending in with the scenery like it WANTS you to step on it. Or, you're minding your own business, weeding the backyard and WHOA the fattest little black widow you've ever seen starts crawling up your pant leg. I mean, why can't freaky-crawly-slithery-dangerous creatures be colored in neon lights with disco music blasting from their fingernails or something? I'd give them their space and they could give me mine. Not that I really buy into that whole "they're more afraid of you than you are of them" mumbo jumbo.

Growing up I wasn't too freaked out about bears. We went camping all the time and I never came across one. My parents never talked about them much (probably, in part, due to my overactive imagination), so I didn't really think about them either. The closest I got to studying their habits was listening to my mom read from a book that I loved:

Bears, Bears, Bears.
On the stairs.
Under chairs.
Brushing hair...

You get the idea. I was much more concerned with snakes & spiders joining me for a midnight nap than large furry bears looking for a midnight snack. Of course, we also spent a good portion of that time camping in the desert where the risk of running into a bear is pretty minimal.

That all changed when a young boy was snatched from his tent by a bear in a canyon near our home. I had camped at that very same camp ground multiple times so it all became very real to me. I've been a little nervous about bears ever since.

Our first night in Yosemite started fairly late. When we finally found a camping spot we were tired and the last thing I wanted to do was unpack the car. But, rules are that you can't keep food of any kind in your tent (obvious) or vehicle (dang). I'd never been camping in a park where the rules were so strict so of course that raised my anxiety level a little bit.

We unpacked the car and got our tents set up. I checked all my pockets for chap stick and rounded up all the sunscreen. Apparently bears have a nose for both. I was worried that we wouldn't be able to fit it all in some tiny metal box but little did I realize how massive these things were! If I wasn't a wee bit claustrophobic I would have had plenty of room for my sleeping bag in here:

The first night we camped here, all of the warning signs were messing with my head. I wondered if I'd wake up to a bear licking the chap stick off my lips, or if I'd signal our location with the deodorant I'd used earlier that day. As a result I had multiple dreams about the large furry creatures crowding our tent all night long.

Our second night in Yosemite we sat down at the table and made a proper meal. We threw the doors to our bear locker wide open while we rummaged around for potatoes, meat, vegetables and other goods. We then turned our full attention to savoring our delicious dinner. It was dark by the time we started eating. I remember laughing about something and feeling fairly relaxed when Katie paused, a timid finger poking the air as she very slowly said:

"What....what....what is that???" 

Something big, and dark was rummaging around the bear locker. Brent jumped up. I jumped up. I whipped my head around and was ready to run when my siblings heard me swear for the first time in their lives.

Did I mention that curses fall from my tongue when I'm scared? Well, I was completely freaked out! I'm not sure if they were more shocked by our surprise visitor or that my last words might keep me from heaven.

That is when everyone immediately started laughing, and might I add--quoting--my words of terror. Turns out that large dogs look suspiciously like black bears in the darkness. We had left the locker open and he was making good use of our neglect. Katie started singing "I see your True Colors shining through."

I guess we all have a few of them.

Yos.em.it.e Part 2: Swimming Holes

My first morning in Yosemite was pure joy. I awoke to the sound of our camp mate's car tires rolling off to greet the day. It was barely light. In response to the cold morning air I snuggled deeper into my sleeping bag until I could no longer ignore my pleading bladder. I took a leisurely stroll around the campground while Brent got the stove going for breakfast.

A calm stream a short walk north was clear as glass. I marveled at its pristine condition for a few moments and then headed back to fill my belly. We ate a hearty breakfast in anticipation of the day's adventures, but to be honest, we weren't really sure where to begin. After packing a lunch and some swimming gear we piled back into the car and headed down the road to Yosemite Valley. The trees were quite thick as we descended down the canyon, so I wasn't at all prepared for the view that awaited us. Suddenly we came around a bend and were delighted/awestruck to see this:



Huge granite slabs towered thousands of feet in the air. I felt so small next to the expansive cliffs. It was a little overwhelming.

We were so excited we hopped out of the car to snap a few photos.

 Brent and Katie standing in the middle of the Merced River

 Look how clear the water is!

View from one of the meadows

We drove the valley loop a couple of times until we decided where to begin. Brent had heard of a fun little swimming hole that can only be accessed when the water is low. Fewer crowds? Secret summer oasis? We all said "yes, please!" However, I did have second thoughts when the rubber soles of my 5.10 approach shoes refused to grip the surface of the sleek boulders we were climbing. Most of the rocks were worn smooth from the pounding waterfall that crashes down in the Spring. I had all of my camera gear, so I awkwardly made my way up from boulder to boulder until Brent made his way back down to give me a hand.

This simple view was indeed worth the climb:

The water was a pretty green color and I was terribly tempted to jump in until I realized it was FREEZING! That didn't stop Brent, & Bryan, & Katie from cliff diving though. Soon a bunch of teenagers were lined up like lemmings trailing behind them.

Another view of the falls

The spray from the waterfall above was light, but occasionally, the wind would kick up and throw the water out towards us. It was crazy! Every time I would scramble to grab a couple of shots before stuffing my camera inside my jacket to protect it from the delayed shower.

After spending a good chunk of the day vascillating between the two extremes of baking in the sun and freezing our hinies in the water, we headed back down the boulder field in search of our next adventure.

Brent wanted to find another swimming hole on the Merced River. We were still trying to wrap our minds around all there was to do, so none of us objected. Everything was awesome and everything was beautiful.

When we found this spot I felt like I had just walked directly into a Tolkien fantasy novel. The water was clear and inviting, just like before, but this time it was WARM! We spent the rest of our afternoon here as we were in total heaven!

Just before sunset I asked it we could head back to the valley to get some pictures of the meadow at the height of its golden glow. I grabbed a few head shots of us for future generations:

Bryan--Became best friends with our camp mates and scored valuable information about cool, out of the way places to explore. Spotted edible berries on all of our hikes and introduced us to their sweet flavors.

Brent--Trip planner extraordinaire. Did 90% of the driving and cooking. Never got ruffled feathers. Can sport the philosophical gaze at the drop of a hat.

Katie--The road trip champion. So, so patient. Laughs when she's scared, made me laugh when I was scared, didn't complain about a thing. Made me smile a lot.

Me--Crazy camping hair/ad for Northface. Took a million photos. Don't regret it one bit.

While grabbing a shot of this:

I walked into a herd of sleeping deer without realizing it. They were all chilling in the grass and didn't seem to be a bit afraid.

Saying hello to Bambi

We found a boardwalk meandering through the meadow and decided to see where it would lead us. This is what we found:

Wildflowers

 Curious irridescent bugs,

A variation of trees lining a cobblestone beach

A "bouncy" log 

And more of that clear green water I can't get enough of!

I reveled in each minute of sunshine, swimming, exploring, and mountain air. 

Life doesn't get much better than this!

Stay tuned for part three: Bears, bears, bears