Snapshots of a March Evening

Sometimes I forget that I work so I can live, not the other way around. Today was one of those days where I needed to remind myself that. So I hopped on my bike just before dusk and made my way down to the wetlands to hear the frogs sing. No matter what neighborhood I live in, I always find something to love about it. The place I live in now is just a few pedal strokes away from the loveliest marsh complete with the springtime chorus indicative of this time of year. Tonight the familiar sound of the frogs was just what I needed.

I scared a few baby calves as I zipped past their field on the way to my destination. I marveled at how fast their short little legs could carry them, and at the quick gallop their mothers made to ensure their safety. I don't know why watching a field of cows run at full tilt was so fascinating but I doubled back around just to watch. Perhaps it was the enjoyment of seeing those baby animals so fresh with life and full of gusto. Someday I will be just another passing biker to them but today they were a little bit startled or maybe just excited to try out their new legs. And that made them an interesting subject.

After watching for a moment, I made why way across the road, stood, and just listened. There is something so calming about the night time hum in this particular swatch of land. I started remembering how much I love this time of year and all the things it represents. I need these moments of rediscovery. I need to remember more often.

I find purpose in the camouflaged frog, sharing a simple tune. We didn't meet, face to face, yet I was changed as he created something beautiful with his simple existence. It makes me think about my own circle of influence that seems so insignificant. I am grateful for kindness and generosity that have filtered down into my own life, from sources I don't always see. I have never really thought about how my life might affect the lives of those I will never meet. Whether it does or not I want my contribution in this world to be more like a marsh frog's song. No pretense, no fanfare, just a real offering of myself that somehow inspires happiness in others as they are passing along their way.

Snapshots of a March Evening

Sometimes I forget that I work so I can live, not the other way around. Today was one of those days where I needed to remind myself that. So I hopped on my bike just before dusk and made my way down to the wetlands to hear the frogs sing. No matter what neighborhood I live in, I always find something to love about it. The place I live in now is just a few pedal strokes away from the loveliest marsh complete with the springtime chorus indicative of this time of year. Tonight the familiar sound of the frogs was just what I needed.

I scared a few baby calves as I zipped past their field on the way to my destination. I marveled at how fast their short little legs could carry them, and at the quick gallop their mothers made to ensure their safety. I don't know why watching a field of cows run at full tilt was so fascinating but I doubled back around just to watch. Perhaps it was the enjoyment of seeing those baby animals so fresh with life and full of gusto. Someday I will be just another passing biker to them but today they were a little bit startled or maybe just excited to try out their new legs. And that made them an interesting subject.

After watching for a moment, I made why way across the road, stood, and just listened. There is something so calming about the night time hum in this particular swatch of land. I started remembering how much I love this time of year and all the things it represents. I need these moments of rediscovery. I need to remember more often.

I find purpose in the camouflaged frog, sharing a simple tune. We didn't meet, face to face, yet I was changed as he created something beautiful with his simple existence. It makes me think about my own circle of influence that seems so insignificant. I am grateful for kindness and generosity that have filtered down into my own life, from sources I don't always see. I have never really thought about how my life might affect the lives of those I will never meet. Whether it does or not I want my contribution in this world to be more like a marsh frog's song. No pretense, no fanfare, just a real offering of myself that somehow inspires happiness in others as they are passing along their way.

Provo Tabernacle

Last night I finally took some time to see and document the charred remains of the Provo Tabernacle. When my mom called Friday morning to tell me it was on fire, I thought that someone had died. In some ways that insulated me from the feelings of loss that this damaged structure symbolizes to so many in the community. After the initial flood of relief that everyone in the family was OK I tried to block out the sadness that one of my favorite buildings was destroyed. Sometimes, like many, I try to protect myself from loss. So I figured if I didn't drive by and see it, perhaps it wouldn't feel like it had actually happened. Of course, I couldn't really keep myself away. Last night when I finally decided it was worth the drive to hit up the Fresh Market for some orange juice and thermometer filters, my camera practically begged me to check out its capabilities on a night scene. So off we went, sore throat and all, to say goodbye to an old friend.

I have so many fond memories in this building. I performed there, my mom performed there, we listened to beautiful music and inspired words there. I distracted my brothers from dropping stuff on the people below while they slid around on those long wooden benches during stake conference. As a teenager I developed a serious crush on "Nephi" while sitting on one of those elegant benches and I went back to see him perform as many times as I could while the play was running. My friend Shayla introduced me to Xtempo there, back when we were learning how to flirt with boys and still too young to drive. One time I went to see a silent film with my mom. She was laughing so hard that everyone around her couldn't stop laughing and pretty soon the entire bench starting shaking which just made us laugh harder. Another time she let me stay up until midnight on Christmas Eve to attend the "Messiah Sing In." Yep, a whole lot of good, fun, memories, were created in that gorgeous building.

Now it looks sad to me.

Friday night, before drifting off to sleep, I lay in bed remembering every detail that I possibly could about that building; taking mental pictures of that which is no more. I was surprised at how many details I could recall.

The pattern in the carpet

The cream colored linoleum in the choir seats and the tap, tap of my dress shoes as I made my way to my seat

The large stained glass windows and the way they would filter the morning sun

The stained wood of the window frames which is one of my favorite features of any old building in provo

The coat closets in the back of the building

The rounded staircases

The light fixtures and curve of the ceiling

All of the intricate woodwork and the curve of the banister

The mint green color of the paint

The pipe organ

Even the angle of the floor.

From the outside, I especially loved the color of the brick on a warm sunny morning. Something about it just seemed pleasant and warm. Last night it was hard to reconcile that memory with the darkened, mournful outline of the building. Perhaps it will be re-built. I hope so. I'd like that warm, sunny piece of Provo back again

Desert Musings

This week I've been a little short on optimism. It doesn't really matter why but I have been trying to find ways to change that. So tonight I started flipping through pics I took in Indian Creek two weeks ago. I have a new camera and I'm still trying to learn how to use it. Some of the pictures did not turn out as well as I had hoped but some of them brought me back to a simple hour of happiness/discovery that was all mine that weekend.

It was cold the night before and I only got a few hours of sleep. The night seemed to stretch on and on. Thankfully I had my cell phone charged so that I could check the time and at least mark that time had not stopped, and we were making slow progress towards morning light. When I could finally recognize the orange walls of the tent signaling the dawn I jumped out of my bag in order to hike some warmth back into my body and make use of what real photographers call "the golden hour." I watched the last morning star being swallowed by the sunlight. Then, a river of Cottonwood trees, gold & green, caught my eye in the distance. They were a good 20 minute walk away but I just had to go wander among them. I was pleasantly surprised to discover how massive they were. It is amazing to me that trees like that can grow in any desert setting. I mean really! It is a miracle.

When I finally reached the creek bed I found my way down a flash-flood-demolished bank and marvelled at the familiar shape of their branches. Trying to memorize the color which was not fully illuminating on film because the sunlight had not yet spilled over the adjacent red slab cliffs.

I took a moment to write myself a note: "Cottonwood trees are my favorite element in the desert. They are a sign that there is water & that something big & strong & beautiful can grow here. I thought about a couple of scriptures I rather like:

"The wilderness and the solitary place shall be glad for them; and the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose." Isaiah 35:1

"and in the barren deserts there shall come forth pools of living water; and the parched ground shall no longer be a thirsty land." D&C 133:29

Those are good reminders that things are not always as drab as they might seem.

Every long, cold, night is overtaken by the sun, Every desert has a secret oasis, and even an average girl with an average life can hope to grow into something strong and beautiful like a tall desert cottonwood. How's that for optimism?

Little Cottonwood October Love

Tonight I had a moment with the earth. A moment where I felt like I could hear what life is all about if I just listened carefully with my heart. I love little surprises like that. I like to think of them as gifts from God. Small glimpses where life feels full of possibilities and the simplest things make my soul rise up and smile. I never know when one of those moments will surprise me and perhaps that is why I love them so much.

Little Cottonwood Canyon was a regal place tonight. The fall colors are simply brilliant right now. I think I nearly drove off the road just trying to take it all in at one point. Did I mention I love this time of year? After roughing my hands up on some granite I had some time to take in the atmosphere of my canyon nook while my friend climbed and I belayed, below, in the dark. To the right was the silhouette of a large stone cliff, gleaming softly in response to the moon. There's something about granite that is simply majestic. Something that makes me feel small and big all at the same time, and really happy. Off to the side was a single, bright star leading the first path across the night sky. The air was cool but surprisingly pleasant with a hint of movement that was somehow satisfying. Off to the left the canyon walls converged to reveal a triangular slice of the shimmering Salt Lake Valley as people turned on their lights and began their evening routines. If only they knew what they were missing as I sat spying on the twinkling lights of their city. If I didn't have to work tomorrow I'd probably still be there. Leaning against my favorite rocks, smiling at the crickets, sharing gratitude with God for the abundant life I live.

To Derrick Lee on his Birth Week:

December 28, 2004  Happy Birthday/Week! I hope you're having a fabulous day and that you're totally indulging yourself in your own thing even if you have things you are supposed to do. It's your birthday. It's your day to think of you. Sorry to report that no package made it to my house today. Who knows. Maybe it will come on January 3rd or something. That would suck. I had yours sent to my house in Provo. You can't get it until I see it first. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is all. I'm going to call you in a bit. I am thinking of you quite a bit today for some reason. Be good. Derrick lee Grayson

To Derrick Lee on his Birthweek:

Derrick was the first person to introduce me to a celebratory birthweek. He called me every day of the last week in December just to drag out my birthday and make me feel special. Ironically enough, 6 years ago on October 9^th 2004 I was climbing, eating a “scrumptulescent” dinner, and watching a movie with Derrick Lee Grayson. I also had absolutely no clue that it was his birthday. He told me the next day. I was so mad at him for spending money on me on his special day. Especially when we were both starving students and totally broke. He just looked at me and said “What? It was a good day. I did everything I wanted to.” That was his style. And it was a fun day.

Several weeks later the movie “The Grudge” came out. We went to see it and rather than getting all scared Derrick would laugh at all the scary parts which made me laugh too. I'm sure that everyone around us thought we were totally annoying. I told my little brother he and his girlfriend should see it cause it wasn't that scary. Afterwards he came back and said “That movie scared the crap outta me!” I thought about it a minute and said “Oh, sorry. I guess I did watch it with Derrick.” Everything was a different experience with him.

November 23, 2004  What up kid? I didn't really get up until like 11:30 today. I'm very well rested and ready to go. That is all. I hope you're having a fab day! I'm on the way to get my hair did. I'm kind of excited about that one. I'll talk to you later. Derrick Lee Grayson

Because of Derrick I was able to experience new things, things that I'm pretty sure I never would have chosen if he hadn't come into my life. He helped me to overcome some of my biggest fears. I can even thank him for the ability to have embarrassing conversations without turning red (or as red) in the face.

Recently I started thinking about all of the good people I have in my life because of him and people I am continuing to meet as a byproduct of our friendship and time spent together. There are at least 45 people spanning the globe that I now treasure and love. People that I have laughed and cried with, shared utility bills and cupboard space with. People I have bonded with as we traveled long hours together and talked deeply about life. People that have supported me and recognized the good in me when I haven't been able to see it in myself. Many of the good things in my life today are a direct result of my friendship with Derrick. I have an abundant life because someone was willing to see the good in me and be my friend. In many ways he changed my life and I will never be the same again. I am so very grateful for that.

November 29, 2004  What's up girl, I hope you're having a scrumptulescent day today. I haven't been on a computer in like a week, so I had tons of stuff to go through on my email. I have to do some serious catching up on school work. I hate school. So last night was fun. I just emailed my sister telling her about all of the jokes we made concerning "Fannie Packs" and "Wainkers". I hope she likes it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I have to do some tutoring tonight until like 8 or so. I totally want to come to Thanksgiving dinner though. If I can come late I will, but if that's unacceptable, I would understand. I'm sure I'll talk to you about it soon. Be good kid. Try not to sell any garments. Derrick Lee Grayson

Derrick looked up to many of you. Once he taught Sunday school and I remember how touching it was when he got a little choked up talking about his mom and how she was his hero.

He loved people and people loved him right back. I think he would be so happy to see all of you

Gathered together

Enjoying each other's company

Basking in the gift of life

Enjoying simple things and good wholesome fun

Just the way it should be

If he could be here to celebrate with all of us for just one day perhaps he would leave the party saying something like this:

December 25, 2004

...I guess I'll go now. I hope you continue to have a great day and a great holiday. I look forward to seeing you again and being with you. Be good. Don't eat any laxatives.
Derrick Lee Grayson

Happy 30^th Birthday Derrick

We miss you!

Catching Up

I have been a bit of a slacker with posting my "September Favorites." Part of the problem was that my computer crashed and oddly enough it may take 30 days to create a habit but it certainly only takes one or two to destroy it. So here I am trying to catch up. I think some of these shots are worth the wait though...

Why I love September Reason #5:

The weather is perfect for biking in the mountains. That would be a picture of us driving down the mountain with our lovely two wheeled companions hitching a ride on the back.

Why I love September Reason#6:

Things that look drab from a distance are actually quite interesting and beautiful up close. I found these lovely "weeds" on the side of the road and I couldn't get enough of their shape and color.

My roommate and I were talking about how sometimes the weeds in Utah are kind of like people. We think we know someone, perhaps we even pass judgement on them as someone who will never amount to much or whatever. Then you get to know them and realize just how extraordinary they are, how brilliant their spirit shines when someone believes in them and loves them for who they are. I love things like that because I have a lot of "drab from a distance" qualities. I always enjoy the moment when that surprising discovery presents itself whether it's someone I come to know better or someone that discovers something likeable about me.

Why I love September Reason #7:

Fall Leaves. As I mentioned in a previous post. I am a fanatic about the fall leaves. I can't get enough of them! Look at that blazing color!

Why I love September Reason #8:

Dahlias. I see this marvelous sight every morning on my jogging route. I never get tired of rounding the corner and coming upon these cheerful, bright, packed in color flowers.